51

On the morning of my 51st birthday I walked into the bathroom and looked at myself in the mirror. It was stunning. I looked like hell, in so many ways. So I went and got my camera and took a photo, then I posted it on face book. Along with 9 other photos of me from kindergarden to a couple of years ago. I am proud of myself for revealing myself. I am also amazed that I was brave enough to do it.

I am coming to grips with the fact that I am on the downhill slope. And that is amazing, and scary, and exciting, and exhilarating, and terrifying, and DEPRESSING. I look at where I have been and realize that I am nearing the end. An end I never thought would happen to me. But with the death of both my parents there is nothing standing between me and my own death.

I know the next part of my life is mine to control and to live in a way that I want. I also know that I am moving into a time when I will no longer accept things because I am afraid, or allow things to happen to me. I also know I couldn't give a flying fuck what people think of me, because that is what freezes me in my life. Having my sister in Seattle has proven that to me. So worried about what she thinks of me that I am frozen. There is a reason why I like traveling alone, no one knows me or judges me.

So with the posting of that picture I think I have taken some of that "who cares what you think" attitude and presented it to the world.  As I stated in the posting, "This is the face of 51. Ah, fuck 'em if they can't take a joke."