The Pattern

When you think about the things you have done with your life over the years, and you see what works and what doesn't, you begin to see a pattern.

My "Pattern" is that I get in situations where I spend other people's money, create a great work environment, and then hire wonder talented people to work with. The other pattern is that I do all this without getting much credit, money, or safety and usually in an enterprise that is either sinking or going no where. I am always at the whims of the money, the owner, the market. And this is where I need to change the pattern.

There are people who do this in all sorts of ways and ride the crest of the wave into a joyful life. (today's role models are Tina Fey and Chuck Lorre) I am like a person with water wings in an ocean where the surfers are riding beautifully and I just wait there, ready to be knocked over by the next wave and drown. I have drown a number of times in my life, and I am here to tell you that the salt water up the nose part is excruciating and disorienting. The pressure of the surf on your chest is terrifying and unbearable. The feeling of leaving your body is strange and discomforting. And watching the panic ensue as you watch people move your body onto the beach and start pounding on it is heartbreaking.

Painful as the part when you slam back into the reality of what you are is, the truth is that you now have a different perspective. You can see the pattern of your life and take away the parts that work and the parts that don't.

Right now I am sifting through the rubble of my last 50 years (yeah, yeah, I know, mixing metaphors). There is a lot of drowning and explosions and chaos. And I am ready to emerge from this latest drowning with extra strength, special joy and a bag of better metaphors. (yes, I should have used a fire metaphor and then I could use the whole Phoenix thing, live and learn)

What do I want? What do I like? What fits? What is my Pattern?

I'm working on it.